up after midnight

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I blog when I can and where I can these days. Sometimes I’m lucky to write when I actually have something on my mind and a little time to write it. As you can probably tell from some of my last few posts, I’m adjusting to life with a newborn. Right now, I have a breast pump sucking me dry. In order to type with both hands I have tucked the bottle into the waistband of my pj’s and have it resting on my thigh. I hope for your sake that you don’t spend much time picturing it because it’s not all that pretty. I tried to go to bed but I’m once again fighting the clogged ducts and I just don’t have the luxury of waiting til the baby wakes to feed. Alas, this is life right now. Someone, or some situation pretty much making the choices for you. Sleep you say? or Softball sized lumps in each breast? You see the choice has been made. :-)

Anyways, in the last few days I have been a little nicer to myself. Setting up some goals and accomplishing them really does a lot to make a girl feel good. Although I haven’t been very good about keeping up with this blog (baby or not!), the goal setting really helps keep me accountable. Another things I want to incorporate at some point (soon, I promise!) is a gratitude journal or post/series. I find it rather easy these days to get caught up and totally consumed by our new baby. Although I know this is completely understandable, normal and perhaps something I won’t be able to really change all that much, I do want to cultivate a level of awareness for myself and for my marriage, which is after all rather new as well. We knew the focus would change from us to baby once she arrived, but I want to be mindful to nurture love and patience for my wonderful hubs as well as myself, as we navigate this new unchartered territory called parenthood. I know I couldn’t have picked a better partner, and I say partner in every sense of the word. There is nothing he doesn’t help with, and nothing he can’t do. He is a great inspiration for me. I was doing a little googling before bed on patience, in particular how to be a little more patient. I remember seeing the book Babyproofing your Marriage somewhere in all the propaganda that appears once your surfing baby sites. I didn’t really pay attention to it, but tonight I decided to check out what people were saying about it. I suppose this is where I would/should/could write things that are found in the book… but since I’ve not read it I’ll just let you read/google for yourself. It’s amazing how calming the words you are not alone can be when you didn’t in fact  know you felt just a smidge alone. Apparently there is an entire genre of self-help geared towards marriage/relationship self-help. I think this is awesome, in a way. For myself, I choose to keep it more simple. Am I being kind? Am I being patient? Am a communicating clearly, honestly, and lovingly? When I feel like a grouch towards others, I usually feel bad about it afterwards. In all areas of my life, I aim not to respond with loving kindness. Thich Nhat Han is one of my favorites. I think I’m going to keep his quotes handy:

“If you are motivated by loving kindness and compassion, there are many ways to bring happiness to others right now, starting with kind speech”.

“The way you speak to others can offer them joy, happiness, self-confidence, hope, trust, and enlightenment. Mindful speaking is a deep practice”.

 

Maybe i shouldn’t blog after midnight. A blog post that pretty much covers my space cadet thought process regarding how I feel, what I googled, and then tying that back into some of my favorite Buddhist literature, yup, makes perfect sense. Anyways, i think you get the picture. ~yawn~ Sometimes, I swear blogging makes me feel better.

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