One of the best quotes I have found on pinterest lately goes a little something like this: What other people think of me is none of my business.
I absolutely love that. When it comes to how I live my life, the only rule book is my heart\gut\instinct. Anyone else’s opinion really doesn’t matter to me. I don’t even think I can say that I will take it into advisement. I used to, I really did. But the only thing that came from that is a lot of choices that stemmed more on someone else’s version of “right” and less of my own. The bottom line is that our feelings are our rule book for moving forward and moving back. We ignore feelings constantly, talking ourselves out of responses that are really biological. The mind is an unreliable, inconsistent asshole and shouldn’t really be listened to. The heart\gut\instinct (or whatever else you wish to call it) that’s a biological response, it doesn’t lie to you. It is meant to put you at alert if needed. It’s meant to remind you of what you want when you are faced with a tough choice. It does take a little bit of self-awareness to know when it’s talking to you and what it’s saying.
For instance, I was supposed to stay single and have fun dating, skirting commitment, and enjoy my freedom. I guess. That sounds fun. Some people seem to think I’m committing to soon etc. and that I should date more. It’s funny how people seem to always have an opinion on how you should live your life. I’m a commitment person. I met someone. I didn’t intend for it. I wasn’t looking for it. But here it is in my face. And I like it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And, even if I don’t know where it’s going to end up, I do like where it’s going. Last I checked, no one is riding shotgun in the ride of my life, so the only voice that matters is mine.
When people ask my advice, I consider giving it. But first, I consider whether they really want it, what the likelihood is that they will take it, and their feelings. Most of the time when I get advice it’s not solicited. I’m a big girl now. I’ve started telling people that I how they feel about my choices does not factor in my decision making process. I’ve started telling them that I am not making my decisions based on criteria important to them. I’ve started telling them that I am not asking they’re opinion or seeking advice about my choices, because they don’t matter to me. If you think about it, usually the people volunteering all their opinions and advice are rarely seeking any for themselves.
I think it’s funny, that’s all. I probably will have to have some conversations about this to these “people”. It’s just part of the changes I am making in how I experience my life. It’s very simple, you teach people how to treat you and I have to give out a few gentle lessons to those I love.
Some other things making an exit are phrases of judgement: too much, too soon, too fast. There isn’t anything getting in the way of my feelings, least of all some arbitrary measurement of what’s good or bad or normal. I’ll let my gut decide thank you very much.