ebbs and flows and highs and lows

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Sorry for the silence. I haven’t meant to neglect you, in fact I’ve spent all my time thinking about you!! Now, don’t you feel special? Since returning to work I have noticed patterns which I can’t ignore. They bother me so much, they make it difficult to ignore. Let’s be honest, work gets in the way of life. At the same time, work makes life possible. No wonder so many of us have a bitter relationship with work. It makes the fun possible and yet takes it away.

The first thing I noticed was how my sleep pattern change, even with just the anticipation of going to work the next day.  As the week progressed I slept worse and worse. My work day wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t a joy either. Not sleeping makes you so cognizant of time doesn’t it? I noticed that every night was a race from my desk to the kitchen, to prepare dinner for 3 and sit down on the couch for a few hours before passing out. The reality is that there isn’t much time for for personal pursuits without sacrificing, for example, a home cooked meal, family time, etc.  The one thing I did for myself last week was go to a meditation class, this lasted about 1.5 hours but i had to race there after work. Tonight, I will have meditation class again.  I really need to have this practice in my life as it’s the only quiet time I get.  I miss daylight and sunshine and the sounds of the wind blowing and bird chirping. These are things that you just can’t feel when in an office building and which are completely non-existent when I finish my work day. So, the truth is, the most inspiring parts of the day are happening when I’m not looking or when I’m not able to attend to them. As a creative person, not being able to strike while the irons hot, or cater to the muse,  well it’s like getting creative blue balls!  No one wants blue balls!

I think I’m going to have to trick myself somehow and just get up earlier because night time is bullshit. I need to work with a fresh mind or master the art of clearing it. It’s not often I even go to sleep with a clear mind which I guess brings me full circle as that’s probably the reason I’m having trouble sleeping. Thanks blog. You solve all my problems.

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