about you

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You give me freedom
I linger in my cacoon of self imposed limitations.
Clinging to fears and long standing anxiety, pressed up against invisible walls afraid of the wind.
You cheer for me.
I sabotage, dehumanize, demoralize, and patronize. I reside in a negative space, I take in but don’t give back, of myself of my creativity. I am a vacuum. I suck.
You believe in me and my craft.
I listen to you and then file it away. I read and I think I can do this, then I begin. The reality of this undertaking seems burdensome with an uncertain outcome that sustains me and depletes me. I struggle with this duality. How do I jump the hurdles when I can’t feel my legs? I guess I must simply learn to fly.
You encourage.
I appreciate.
I dabble in self confidence, I vacillate between ego and pride.
I worship the demon of comparison. When I need to drink the nectar of compassion. I am afraid of exploring the murky depths of myself, afraid of liking myself even less. I must take the bandaids off, must take the blinders off, must take the training wheels/ parachute off and free fall into that place of mystery and unknowing. Trusting. Feeling. Believing. Even if I fall, I will bounce, and get back up again.

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